I’m waiting for the talking to start.

It’s quite frustrating that so few of the people I know are willing to do talking. There’s a good need for these people to talk as well. It most definitely doesn’t have to be with me, but I can see enough to know that having it all swirl around their head isn’t doing them any favours.

Take my dad, for instance. He’s the kind of man who would never say “suck it up”, but that is his entire way of existence. I know he’s shit scared of what is to come, it’s possibly the biggest event in his life. Facing death tends to be the biggest thing in any life. But instead of opening up and talking, he’ll mope, he’ll get very depressed and push people away a little bit more. I am really proud that he’s managing to stay off the suicide-sticks though, for which I should take my pride out of the issue and just say it.

I don’t want to prod these people to the edge into talking. Some, I know, really aren’t ready to talk. And that’s fine, I get it. Just need them to know that I’m here for when they do need to offload, about absolutely anything.

Then there’s the some who really need to talk, because it’s causing more problems by not talking than any discussion could possibly do. It’s with them I need to be diplomatic, and I’m not very good at that. There’s a very good reason why I’ll stay very quiet during specific conversations. It’s partly because my hearing is fucked and I wouldn’t want to mishear but it’s mostly because I’m biting my tongue. I know there’s one conversation that I’ve got to have with someone where I’ll be doing just that to such an extent that my mouth won’t have a tongue any more, just a big, flaccid, bloody mess.