I wasn’t expecting this.

I never set out to gain anything other than some new friends. I’ve never said in all the profiles of the social networking sites I had a mad joining session on a week or two ago that I was out looking for anything other than friends. And anyone who sends me a message that has decent typing, punctuation and whathaveyou, gets a reply. Now there’s someone, via I site I’ve been on for ages, saying they “like” me. Minor head fuck.

I’m not expecting this to develop into anything, I’ve been in the situation once too often before. How I come across on the net is one thing, but meeting me usually results in the need for them to run away or get smashed out of their head on the nearest available alcohol. As a ego boosting exercise, it doesn’t work, trust me. I know my place in the world and what I’m allowed to do and expect. Whilst I’m mildly pissed off with myself for the persona I seem to have created for the wilder world to see, I’d rather be seen as that cheery soul who’s stupidly honest than the sarcastic, pessimistic, somewhat neurotic, angry, morbid, miserable, anti-social cunt that I really am. That wouldn’t do, now would it?

I’m told I’m too hard on myself, but I’ve had enough life experience to know that others are all too ready to put the boot in, so I might as well supersede them. Not that anything I’ve been on the receiving end of has been original. Words they mean nothing, so you can’t hurt me.

So I and this Yorkshire-born, Edinburgh-raised, now living in Bristol, legal administrator, film and video game geek are meeting up on Saturday. There’s a cinema visit planned, with a drink opportunity after. Like I said, I don’t expect anything and neither should they, if they know what’s good for them. We got that sorted out in a serious I’m-levelling-with-you-here conversation, that I hope they didn’t walk away from thinking “fuck, shouldn’t have said that!”. How do you convince someone that you really do mean what you are saying, particular via typed words?! Overly explain that I’m not in the business of playing games with people’s feelings, and that being honest is a very good thing, and that’s about all I can do. I could say that, I guess, which I do believe I did anyway.

Just no one call it a date, as I will spend the rest of the week rolling around gafforing and achieving nothing.